It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
FUCK WHALES
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