Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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