so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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