I'm really into asian looking animals
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
