the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
