You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
