It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
