I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How does it feel to date your dad?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
