What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
