You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
