How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
