I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
