don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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