i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
