hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
