i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
