the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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