you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
