worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
