I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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