Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
