I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
