I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
