Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone signed my nipple.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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