In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
