she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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