there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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