Got a toothbrush?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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