tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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