He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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