She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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