I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
