Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
