you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
