You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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