i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
