I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
