she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
