How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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