I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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