I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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