Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
