your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
