why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
