I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
