we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
