I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
