I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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