Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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