grandma shit on top of the toilet
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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